I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
