Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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