I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
