I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You can't special order awesome
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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