u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Soap is not a condiment
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
