I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
