Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
