Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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