So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
