how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
