Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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