Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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