his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
