Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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