Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
