Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And then he peed in my hair
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