I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
