Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
People in love make me want to vomit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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