I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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