Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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