Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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