Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
