By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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