Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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