You can't motorboat a personality
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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