I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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