i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
