drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
