I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
