Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
