Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
