I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
