Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
