Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
