Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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