Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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