Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You smell like stripper and shame
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
