God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
