your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
