we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
