And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
