she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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