i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
