sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
