She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
