In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Randomize
