Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
