I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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