I can't breathe out the right side of my face
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
