im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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